I don’t know if it is because our social media timelines are flooded with COVID related illness and deaths, or if it is because I am three months away from my 40th birthday and I am nearing a mid-life crisis, but death has been on my mind.

Thoughts like:

- Who will take care of my kids if something happens to me and my husband?

- Whose names will be omitted from my obituary (if you weren’t part of my life, why would you be part of my death right?)

- Did I live to work, or do I work to live?

- I can’t die until my scrapbooks are completed!

- What will happen to all my Christmas ornaments if I die, will my family just give them all away?

- How will I die?

- What if I die of something that I was too scared to go to the doctor about that could have been totally preventable?

- Is this a regular headache or am i having a stroke? Take some Advil or go to ER?

- Is this my asthma or am I having a heart attack? Use my inhaler or call 9-1-1?

- Is this a heart attack or heartburn?

- I recently dreamed that my husband’s parents passed away at the same time.

- Will I have my cellphone with me and be able to make a call to save my life?

• I always feel like I have to have my cellphone in the bathroom in case of an emergency, not quite sure why I think I’m going to die on the toilet or in the shower...

- What if I don’t know that I am dead?

- Who will die first, me or my husband?

- The number of obituaries I have displayed on my living room table to honor those who have passed away just in 2021 is disturbing.

- I know heaven is real, but what is it really like?

- Can I just be real and say, the thought of living forever and ever and ever terrifies me, even if it is heaven.

- How will the trajectory of my kids life change when I die?

• I almost typed ‘if’ i die - it is still hard to believe that we all have 100% chance of dying

- Where will I be buried? In my hometown? In the city I have lived in the last 15+ years?

- I never wanted to be cremated, but now I am starting to think, would I rather my family save their money?

- If they cremate me, where would my ashes stay? Home, or would they be spread?

- Would my kids accidentally knock over the urn holding my ashes?

Are we spending our entire lives preparing for our death? I believe the answer is: YES! Despite my rambling thoughts about death, each day is truly a gift; another opportunity to decide what is important to us and what we want our legacy to be. Each day, I wake up, take a deep breath, and give honor where it is due for the opportunity to see another day; another chance to love, grow, and just be.