who's your daddy?
Standing in my living room, head bowed down and holding hands in a prayer circle with six other women from my small group, I heard a prayer that started something like this: "Daddy, thank you for being a good Dad. Fill us with your presence. We thank you Dad for your everlasting love and peace you give to us..."
I stood there with my eyes closed and my peace was suddenly gone. It felt like my stomach just collided with a 1,000-pound wrecking ball. Heaviness began to settle during a time that I should have been in a posture of praise and thankfulness. I was taken aback as I did not immediately know where this feeling came from.
This was not the first time I had heard God referred to as "Dad" or "Daddy", but it was uncomfortable and still new for me. It was common to hear this at the church I started attending a few years ago, but growing up it was different. I had always heard God being referred to as "King" or "Heavenly Father" and many other names, but not Daddy.
There is a hurt that I have buried that comes back to life when I think of "Daddy". I think of the Daddy in which I have an estranged relationship with, the Step-Daddy that passed away when I was a pre-teen, and the God-Daddy who passed away a few years ago. Because of the brokenness I have concerning these relationships, it is difficult for me to recognize God as my Daddy.
Who is God to you? What do you call him? How do you see Him?
Although I know this is not His character, I sometimes see God as this authoritative figure that is waiting to punish me when I sin. I do think of God as my Heavenly Father, one that teaches me, and is a protector and provider. I also consider Him to be a friend that I can depend on and tell my deepest thoughts, even when He already knows. But, through my need to be in control and comfortable, I don't always trust God to be my father and friend.
My church did a series not long ago called Daddy Issues. It was helpful in identifying how your relationship with your earthly father can impact or influence your relationship with our heavenly father. I need to go back and watch them myself, but here is the link if you are interested in watching some of the sermons: https://mediademo.crossroads.net/series/daddy-issues
It has been a long journey, and I am still processing through my emotions related to my Daddy Issues. But, I am also encouraged in knowing that unearthing buried emotions and fears related to my earthly dads, will help me close gaps that keep me from being closer to God. As I have been in prayer on my journey to walk on water, I realize that God has always been my Daddy.
Most importantly, I want to continue to identify and do the necessary work to improve my relationship with God. I want to see Him as He sees me; I want to trust Him more to be my Daddy. My prayer is that you will start to think about how you see God and how He sees you so that you receive your identity from your Daddy.
