Morbid Thoughts...
I don’t know if it is because our social media timelines are flooded with COVID related illness and deaths, or if it is because I am three months away from my 40th birthday and I am nearing a mid-life crisis, but death has been on my mind.
Thoughts like:
- Who will take care of my kids if something happens to me and my husband?
- Whose names will be omitted from my obituary (if you weren’t part of my life, why would you be part of my death right?)
- Did I live to work, or do I work to live?
- I can’t die until my scrapbooks are completed!
- What will happen to all my Christmas ornaments if I die, will my family just give them all away?
- How will I die?
- What if I die of something that I was too scared to go to the doctor about that could have been totally preventable?
- Is this a regular headache or am i having a stroke? Take some Advil or go to ER?
- Is this my asthma or am I having a heart attack? Use my inhaler or call 9-1-1?
- Is this a heart attack or heartburn?
- I recently dreamed that my husband’s parents passed away at the same time.
- Will I have my cellphone with me and be able to make a call to save my life?
I always feel like I have to have my cellphone in the bathroom in case of an emergency, not quite sure why I think I’m going to die on the toilet or in the shower...
- What if I don’t know that I am dead?
- Who will die first, me or my husband?
- The number of obituaries I have displayed on my living room table to honor those who have passed away just in 2021 is disturbing.
- I know heaven is real, but what is it really like?
- Can I just be real and say, the thought of living forever and ever and ever terrifies me, even if it is heaven.
- How will the trajectory of my kids life change when I die?
I almost typed ‘if’ i die - it is still hard to believe that we all have 100% chance of dying
- Where will I be buried? In my hometown? In the city I have lived in the last 15+ years?
- I never wanted to be cremated, but now I am starting to think, would I rather my family save their money?
- If they cremate me, where would my ashes stay? Home, or would they be spread?
- Would my kids accidentally knock over the urn holding my ashes?
Are we spending our entire lives preparing for our death? I believe the answer is: YES! Despite my rambling thoughts about death, each day is truly a gift; another opportunity to decide what is important to us and what we want our legacy to be. Each day, I wake up, take a deep breath, and give honor where it is due for the opportunity to see another day; another chance to love, grow, and just be.
